I find the term southpaw offensive.  I write with my left hand.  I throw a baseball with my right hand.  Strictly speaking, I’m neither ambidextrous nor either right handed or left handed.  I’m my own type of handedness.  I’m going to call this type of handedness ‘multihandedness’ and if you don’t say that I’m multihanded when referring to my usage of hands, I’ll be offended.

If you’ve been following the politically correct scandals across universities, the above paragraph will make sense to you.  If the above paragraph makes absolutely no sense to you, perhaps it’s for the best, just move on.

Let me now tell you a true story of the York University (Toronto,ON,CA) ‘Left Handed Student Association’.

As I mentioned I do indeed write with my left hand and I’m dating myself here, but there was an era where students attended class with pen and paper.  It was after class and I was jotting down a few points before I packed up.

“Excuse me, could I talk to you for a moment?”

As I looked up I saw an eager man/young adult, my age and eager to talk to me.  He had a telling stack of leaflets in his hand which suggested that he could represent any number of standard annoyances on campus.  Back then there could be some political annoying people with leaflets but surprisingly many people were trying to sign you up for the York Federation of Students Mastercard which gave airmiles, credit to people with low credit (students), and a onetime kickback to the York Federation of Students which was openly disclosed, so I’m not complaining.  (As a matter of fact, I still use the same card.)

“I noticed you’re writing with your left hand”, he continued.   I wondered how my handedness could affect my credit score.

“Well yeah.” I answered confused.

He jumped into his ‘elevator pitch’ for his new “York University Left Handed Student Association”.  He passed me his leaflet and urged me to read it thoroughly, but then he made it personal.

“The new plans for the [xyz building project] include even less left handed seats in the lecture halls.  What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing.” I said.

“You’re just going to lay down and be a cog in a wheel?”  The rhetoric engine was starting up and I’d had just about enough.

“No, I’m not going to be a cog in a wheel.  We represent too much of a minority to bother the rest of society.  I don’t feel inconvenienced by having to lean over my desk a bit, nor do I feel I’m slighted in any way.” I thought that would silence the fellow.  It didn’t.

“Don’t you get back pain?”

“No.”

“Then, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from having your left hand unsupported?”

“No.  Look, I gotta get going…” I was eager to end this but he was incensed that I wasn’t subscribing to his particular viewpoint.

“Are you an anarchist?!” he demanded angrily.

“No, but you’re certainly a radical leftist”.  He was flummoxed by my double entendre and I was able to evade what was in 1993, a pest on York University’s Campus.

Now history has taught us well never to ignore what happens on university campuses.  This is ever more apparent now than ever.  However, I thought we might all appreciate a look back at time when we could laugh off some of the ongoings on campus.